Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A Nun joke to give you a laugh

These two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who's there?", calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of
the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these

This joke was genius.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Warning: Shock Factor!!! Do not read the following joke ;)

A little girl and her mother were walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl asked, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm, they're... making cakes!"

The next day they were at a zoo and the little girl saw two monkeys having sex. Again she asked her mother what they are doing and her mother replied with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."


Do not keep reading.

A little boy and a pedophile are walking deep in the dark woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

Warned ya.

Laugh Stupid!

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Two men are walking their dogs

when they come across a bar. They're hot, sweaty and just plain tired. They figure it'd be a good idea to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, for them, the bar has a huge sign that reads "No Dogs Allowed." With no place to secure the dogs, and thirst building, they begin scheming ideas of how to get in.

Then something clicks. One of them gets the perfect plan.

He looks to the other. "Just watch and follow my lead."

He walks into the bar with his dog and the bartender, with an air of pure indignance, stops him. "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."

The guy looks at the bartender, completely dumb founded and asks, "Why not?"

The bartender barks, "Can't you read the sign. We don't allow dogs in the bar."

"But this is my seeing eye dog, sir".

"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in. And by the way, nice golden retriever."

Score! The man enters the bar.

The second man, attempts to do the same. Immediately, the bartender stops him.

"Sir, I "really" can let you in here with that dog."

"Huh, why not."

"Sir, the sigh."

The second man responds smoothly. "But this is my seeing eye dog."

The bartender looks at the man and then looks at the dog.

A long moment of silence passes. Confused, he explains "Sir, ah... um... that's a Chihuahua."

Shocked the man shouts, "What!? They gave me a Chihuahua!?"

Friday, July 13, 2007

Sexist Jokes

Here are some jokes sure to give you a laugh. I'm sure you're all sensible enough to find the humor in them.

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says, "what seems to be the problem officer?" The cop looks bluntly at him and says, "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh. "Thank god! For a second there I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

What if God's a woman?
Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.(Adam Ferrara)

What's a surefire way to remember a woman's birthday?
Forget it once.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes hasn't already been told twice.

And now, a bit of stupid for the ladies:

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because these men already have boyfriends.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

When would you want a man's company?
When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and a Jackass to pay for it all.

Take it in. Soak it up. And remember: laugh stupid!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A man walks into a bank

and says : "Hey, I want to open a f*cking account in this shitty bank". Shocked, the woman behind the counter asks: "E-Excuse me, what did you just say?" "Didn't you hear me bitch, I want to open a f*cking account here in this shitty ass bank!" So, the woman says: "You know what, I'm getting the manager. He'll see to it that you're removed".

A few minutes later, she comes back in with the manager. The manager approaches the man and asks what's wrong, and why he's behaving so obscenely. The man explains, "as I told this hag before, I want to open a f*cking account, cause I just recieved a f*cking inheritance of a 100 million bucks."

Dumbfounded, the manager replies, "And this BITCH is giving you a hard time?!"

Laugh Stupid!

Friday, June 22, 2007

This one should be a BLAST...

For the pianists out there. This guy makes my old piano teacher look like the tooth fairy.

Watch it and laugh.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Japanese Artists Play Theme to Mission Impossible

Alright I know this doesn't really fall into the category of funny, but when I saw this video, I just had to post it here. It's a clip of an all female Japanese band playing the theme to mission impossible. What's so interesting about that, you ask?

1) They're Asian.
2) They're female.
3) They're using classical instruments (cept for the Keyboard).

Hey, if the clip doesn't interest you, you'll still get a laugh out of the way they move!

Here's a link to their site (IN JAPANESE) if you're wondering.




Laugh Stupid!!!